Need You.

"Um dia as pessoas morrem na gente. Pode ser um amigo que telefona só quando quer ajuda ou um amor que gastou todas as chances que tinha e nem toda dedicação do mundo comoveu. Pode ser a criança que um dia morou dentro da gente."

I am fighting for us, I am fighting a battle against myself.
I don't want us to die.
But sometimes I feel alone, I don't feel needed or pursued. Not in a sexual way, but in a loving, romantic way.
I don't know what is lacking... But I know something is.

Is it me? Is it me that is just expecting something totally unrealistic? A perfect man? I don't think I am seeking perfection... I am just seeking a companion.

I don't know what I want. I know my heart should not seek after earthly things... I have to wait out and give my all. It will be then that I will get what my heart truly needs.

But, truly, I feel like what's being sought at the moment is not what should be sought.
We are seeking for the moment, and not for eternity. But you don't understand that.

I know God is upset at me. I know God is sad at me thinking I didn't need Him. Maybe all these feelings I am having is just a way God found to let me know that I should need Him ONLY. I can't rely on you. But it's almost human nature to rely on those you love. So, what do I do? I don't want to need you, but I do. But then I feel alone. But you are so good to me. But so absent at times.

I am blind. God, please lead me.
I am truly lost. I need You.