Losing You.

Today, I will refrain from my poems and subjective writings to write objectively and crealy about my recent failures. Recently, more than I have ever in my life, I feel like a complete failure. Moreover, I feel purporseless. What am I doing? - I keep asking myself.

This year of 2012 was been an unique one. I have never felt so many feelings at once, yet numbness has never left me for one second. I feel angry, sad, lost. Then, I feel nothing. What is this?

I have never relied on God solely so much than I have this year. There are times that I have high hopes, I believe and trust in Him that he will never leave me. But then, out of nowhere, I feel like he is never been around. I don't see him, I don't know where he is. 

I am slowly losing sight of Him. And this hurts more than ever. I am devastaded. And it seems like there is nothing I can do. I try, I pray, I read, I worship. What am I doing wrong?

God, please, help me. A servant of yours is lost in the woods and she can't get out. Help me find Your way, Your light. I need you. I need You so badly, Lord. I can't keep going like this.