Some thoughts going through my head...

“This life is what you make it. No matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And baby, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up because if you give up, you'll never find your soulmate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.” 
― Marilyn Monroe

“The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference.” 
― Elie Wiesel





More than once have I doubted myself. More than once have I made mistakes. Despite all of that, I am always trying to be truthful to myself and my heart. Is it much to expect the same from others? I am aware that I do mess up on a daily basis. The thing is: I am not tired of failures/mistakes, I am tired of people thinking THEY ARE a failure. We are not defined by our mistakes and shortcomings. We should love ourselves despite our shortcomings, so should we love OTHERS despite THEIR shortcomings. Again, the problem here is not our failures and shortcomings. The problem here is ACTION, should I say the lack of. I think it would be rather obvious, taken that we are cognitive thinkers, to learn from our mistakes and take action against future similar failures. This concept, however, just doesn't seem to depict quite right in real life and, especially not according to my personal experiences.
A bigger issue than that, sometimes, is... indifference. MLK once said that our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. I am sure he had a very different view on how this phrase was applicable back in the days to society. To me, however, silence means no actions. We become indifferent to the people who surround us if we don't take ACTION. Although words matter a lot, actions are worth twice as much. 
I am not attacking, I am not fighting against anyone. This is not a battle against our own pride, this is not a battle trying to overcome our failures (because truth is... there is always going to be mistakes and failures). I am fighting this FOR YOU, FOR US. But I don't want to fight a battle on my own. 

More insight

9 Important Communication Skills for Every Relationship

Effective communication is critical to successful relationships. Researchers and therapists have found at least nine skills that can help couples learn to talk effectively about important issues (Gottman 1994; Markman, Stanley, and Blumberg 2010; Schramm and Harris 2011). How we interact about issues such as time spent together/apart, money, health, gender differences, children, family, friends, commitment, trust, and intimacy affects our ability to develop and maintain lasting marital friendships. If learned well, these nine skills can help put our relationships on a positive trajectory for success. (Note: The word "marriage" is interchangeable with "relationship," if you are not married.)

Helpful Information

What do couples talk about?

Time Together/Apart. Both the quantity and quality of time we spend together influence the well-being of our marital friendships. Spending time apart participating in other activities also influences the well-being of our relationships.

Money. How we think and talk about money, our spending habits, and our ability to budget, invest, and plan for the future impact couple financial management processes and practices.

Health. Couples must talk about many health-related issues, including nutrition, exercise, illness, disease, accidents, health care, mortality, and death.

Men/Women. Because men tend to be more task-oriented in their communication styles and women tend to be more process-oriented, men tend to want to solve issues immediately, while women tend to want to talk about them more and come to a consensus about what should be done.

Children. How children develop physically, socially, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually are often topics of discussion. Focusing on the best ways to consistently meet children's needs is considered being child-centered.

Family/In-Laws/Friends. Couples often talk about situations and circumstances surrounding the interactions they have with their closest relationships.

What do couples communicate when they are communicating?

Commitment. How we "hang in there" and contribute to our marital friendship, even when things aren't going particularly well, is a sign of how committed we are to our relationship. Loyalty and fidelity are aspects of commitment and trust.

Trust. Trusting relationships are relationships in which both partners are dependable, available to support each other, and responsive to each other's needs. An ability to negotiate conflict and a positive outlook about the future of the relationship are also components of trust.

Intimacy. The social, intellectual, emotional, spiritual, and physical connections we make with each other determine the levels of intimacy we experience in our relationships.

What do couples argue about?

Because the items listed above are some of the major topics couples talk about, it follows that they are also the same topics that can spur disagreements. For instance, it is a familiar joke that people can have difficulties in their relationships with in-laws. Take for example, “What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Answer: One is 'Wanted!'” Sayings such as these underscore the importance of knowing how your relationships with others can affect your marriage and could potentially become the topic of a marital conflict.

Control and Power. Control and power are highly associated with the topics couples argue about. Indeed, control and power issues are the foundation of most conflicts. Typically, one person (or each person) is bent on having his or her own way. The saying "my way or the highway" is a common phrase used by someone with an inflexible perspective. If we see an issue one way and expect everyone else to see it the same way we do, then we are more likely to try to exert power and control over others and sway them to our perspective. Attempting to exert control and power over our partner typically results in win/lose or lose/lose outcomes for our marital friendships.

Some insight.

Why Relationships Fail Due to the Lack of Communication

People Don't Communicate Enough to Eliminate Their Problems

True communication, what exactly is that? Telling your significant other how many times you went to the bathroom while you were at work? What you had for lunch? Real communication isn't explaining your entire day to someone, because frankly, 99% of the time, your days aren't that interesting. True communication spans far beyond spoken words. It's verbal and mental, as well as even physical.

More than half of the failed relationships out there, including your own, are due to the fact that there was a severe lack of communication between the two of you. In order to have a long and lasting relationship with someone, you must have excellent communication skills. You must be able to convey your emotions and your thoughts, as well as being able to absorb your partner's emotions and thoughts.

Communication is definitely not a one-way street. The "phone-lines" must run both ways. You could sit your partner down and talk to him/her all day long about how you feel, and about where you think this relationship is going. But if you don't LISTEN TO THEM, than all of your words are meaningless. Mainly because they know you aren't willing to listen to them, and you will not hear them out because you are too involved with yourself to allow anyone else to join in on the conversation.

The art of listening is probably even more important than the art of talking. You will learn and grow far more in your relationships if you would sit down and listen to your partner, instead of talking and voicing all of your opinions at once. Don't get me wrong; it is very important that you do voice your opinions. But you must listen to THEIR opinions as well, and take them into consideration.

If you feel that you are not hearing from your partner, or they aren't "communicating" with you. Than more than likely they are, but you just aren't listening correctly. Some people don't communicate with words, they communicate through actions. Which, if you pay close enough attention, are far more incisive into what they want to say. But the problem is, most of us don't pay close enough attention.

We are all consumed with our feelings; we focus on what is wrong with THEM. We are hearing what we are saying, and not what they are saying. Thus, we are solving the problem with you, instead of joining with the other person and solving it TOGETHER. I mean, you are dating another person aren't you? So why don't you involve them in your conversations?

"Well, they won't listen what I have to say." Could this be because you say the same thing far too much? If you have to nag them about something, it might be because you don't listen to them, so they aren't going to listen to you. People tend to mirror their surroundings. Though not always applicable, if they aren't listening, it's because you aren't.

From personal experience, you will never go far in your relationships if you are "nagging" your partner to death. Another reason that they aren't listening to anything you say, is because what you are saying frankly isn't important. If you are one of those people that point out every "defect" in a human, than most likely they tuned you out along time ago. You can only sit and listen to someone point out every little problem with you, before you begin to stop listening to them altogether.

You must first take a look at yourself and realize that you are not Miss./Mr. Perfect. You have problems, you have issues, just like everyone else does. Your relationships will go far if you'll stop bringing attention to the minor things that really don't make that big of a difference.

On the other side, if your partner is not listening to you, than there could be something seriously wrong there. Ultimately, the lack of attention narrows down to a lack of respect. You must have respect for the person that you are in a relationship with, and they must have respect for you. If no respect is involved, than you will both be looking at each other as if each of you is less than the other. Which, no one is less than someone. If you are in a relationship that lacks respect, LEAVE, GET OUT, VAMONOS!!!!

Respect is something that is so important in every aspect of life. I mean, even Sister Arethra Franklin sang about it, so you know it's important! A lack of respect equals a lack of communication, which in turn equals the beginning of the end of your relationship.

You must give in order to receive. In order to obtain respect from someone, you must show them that you are respect worthy. You can't just sit there and expect them to automatically respect you. You must show them. How? Prove to them that you are a loyal and honest individual. Be yourself, don't lie, and treat them as you would like to be treated. If that doesn't gain their respect, than something is seriously wrong with them.

"We used to talk all night, but since we've talked so much, we have nothing else to talk about." Well, this is a crossroad that every couple has to go through. You have been together so long, you have spent so much time together, you have ran out of things to talk about. This is very simple to get over. But first, we must look at why you have run out of things to talk about.

Ultimately, if you don't have anything to talk about, you are becoming numb to the individual. If you truly love them, you will always have something to say to them. Even it is just "I love you." Your conversations might not be as dynamic and powerful as they were in the beginning of the relationship. And this is simply because you know each other very well, and before you didn't. So it was automatically exciting and intriguing. But you must realize this, and rest in the fact that you are with this person.

Though you might not have deep thoughts to divulge to this person anymore, because they know them all, you still have things in common. You still have things to discuss. Some couples can sit in a room and not say a word to each other for three hours - and that's fine with them. This is because they are grounded in the foundation of their love, and they know that though they aren't saying anything, they are both thinking about one another.

But if you feel that the lack of constant conversation is hurting your relationship, take the initiative. Make a point to talk with your partner - even if the conversation starts out light and frivolous, it will end on a good note - hopefully. And this will keep you both in each other's minds. Remember, don't wait for them to talk to you - talk to THEM!!

The most vital and important reasons that relationships fail is because they communication that is happening is because people aren't following "The Golden Rule." I know you all know what I'm talking about; we learned it in kindergarten - "Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you." If you follow this statement, your love life as well as every other part will benefit greatly.

But the sad truth is, people aren't honest. They cheat themselves as well as others. They are self-centered jealous feigns. So no wonder none of us have a satisfactory relationship. We must stop and think - how do you want to be treated in a relationship? If you apply your standards of what you want to your partner, they will ultimately reapply them to you. You are in control of how your relationship will be.

In preparation for this book, I interviewed many people. And in my interviews I asked them all the same question, "Why do you think relationships fail?" The responses were all practically the same, "The Lack of Communication."

One response grabbed my attention unlike any other. Upon asking her the above question, her answer was, "Relationships fail if the people don't mesh or aren't able to work as a team. People don't communicate enough to eliminate (their) problems. Some people foolishly bet on physical attraction, which doesn't last or simply looses its flavor like chewing gum. Some fail due to different views on life. Distance also plays a crucial role at times."

She had several extremely great points. Let's investigate them further. "Relationships fail if the people don't mesh…" Meshing, something that if doesn't happen can lead to catastrophic consequences. Meshing means to intertwine oneself with another person. Though at first glance you may think that the two of you are compatible. But further in the relationship you may find that the two of you don't "mesh." Communication between the two of you will quickly advise you of "anti-meshing."

"…[O]r aren't able to work as a team…" Some people are natural-born leaders. They are not programmed to follow, even be on a equal level with another person. Though this world needs leaders, those leaders must learn to work together as a team. What's that saying ultimately is "There's no I in T.E.A.M.", again another saying we learned in kindergarten, but very crucial to a happy and long-lasting relationship.

Some people see the relationship as a Dictatorship, that they will rule, and what they say goes. You could think like this, but you will be ruling over a very, very small Kingdom. A relationship is about two people coming together as equals, and facing the world as two humans as one. Your relationship will not go far if you do not look at each other in equal-eyes, and facing your problems together, as a team. When you join together with someone, you are helpmates; you are two people that will be supportive to each other. And eventually, you will win the relationship Super-Bowl.

"…[P]eople don't communicate enough to eliminate (their) problems…" If you haven't noticed, this comment is the sub-heading for this chapter. This phrase, if read correctly; will solve all of your relationship woes. Every relationship has problems, but most people communicate with each other, and come together as a team to solve the various issues that arise. They either argue about them, not even trying to solve them - or they ignore the problems until the issues become mountainous, and ultimately implode the relationships.

Some people come into a relationship not expecting there to be any problems. So when one pops up, they freak out and bail on the relationship without any second thoughts. Though you might be lucky, and never have any problems with your love life (there are some out there, we'll read about them later), most relationships have there bumps - maybe not huge - but still some roughage. You must realize that this does not mean that your relationship is doomed or that it's a "sign" to drop him or her. You have to work on the problems, COMMUNICATE with your partner. Talk to them, but also LISTEN!!!

"…[S]ome people foolishly bet on physical attraction, which doesn't last or simply looses its flavor like chewing gum…" Though we will go more in-depth about this subject later on, we will touch on it now. I loved how she put it, "[S]ome people foolishly bet on physical attraction…" because basically, it is extremely foolish to base your selection solely on looks and whiteness of teeth. If you do this you will be in danger of not finding that person that is genuinely right for you - because, more than likely, this person that you choose solely on "prettiness" will be just as superficial as you are - or more. So, not only will you have a short and unproductive relationship, you are bound to get hurt in the process. And forget about communication, because if you choose this path for finding your partner, you are completely ignoring the communication aspect. Well, outside the bedroom at least. And let's face it; a good lay will only last so long before it "looses its flavor like chewing gum."

"…[S]ome (relationships) fail due to different views on life…" No matter how cute, how bubbly and outgoing someone's personality is, if the above is involved in your relationship, you can kiss that person goodbye. When it comes down to it, what holds a relationship together is the same views on life. There's a saying that goes, "If you don't have the same vision (in or about life) it leads to division." That phrase is absolutely the truth. Though your relationship may last for a while, if your vision or outlook on life is different, than the two of you will drift apart.

If you take a close look at all of the above, you will see that each one is linked by communication or the lack of it. So when you take a close look at your relationships, communication is the foundation that will strengthen your bond. Without this, your relationship will definitely not be a lasting one.

"Relationships fail due to the lack of communication. I feel that if my first serious relationship had more communication toward our rocky periods, we could have lasted. Yet, not all relationships are meant to last, so we should only accept past relationships as personal lessons. I also feel that each person must know what they want and see if their partner can provide their needs before setting into any type of relationship."

A Great Big World ft. Christina Aguilera - Say Something

Say something, I'm giving up on you.

I'll be the one, if you want me to.

Anywhere, I would've followed you.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.

And I am feeling so small.

It was over my head

I know nothing at all.

And I will stumble and fall.

I'm still learning to love

Just starting to crawl.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.

I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.

Anywhere, I would've followed you.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.

And I will swallow my pride.

You're the one that I love

And I'm saying goodbye.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.

And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.

And anywhere, I would have followed you.

Oh-oh-oh-oh say something, I'm giving up on you.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.

Say something...

Experiências...

Num processo de seleção da Volkswagen, os candidatos deveriam responder a seguinte pergunta: 
Você tem experiência? 

A redação abaixo foi desenvolvida por um dos candidatos. Ele foi aprovado e seu texto está fazendo sucesso, e ele com certeza será sempre lembrado por sua criatividade, sua poesia, e acima de tudo por sua alma. 
REDAÇÃO VENCEDORA: 
Já fiz cosquinha na minha irmã só pra ela parar de chorar, já me queimei brincando com vela. Eu já fiz bola de chiclete e melequei todo o rosto, já conversei com o espelho, e até já brinquei de ser bruxo. Já quis ser astronauta, violonista, mágico, caçador e trapezista. Já me escondi atrás da cortina e esqueci os pés pra fora... Já passei trote por telefone. Já tomei banho de chuva e acabei me viciando. Já roubei beijo. Já confundi sentimentos. Peguei atalho errado e continuo andando pelo desconhecido. Já raspei o fundo da panela de arroz carreteiro, já me cortei fazendo a barba apressado, já chorei ouvindo música no ônibus. Já tentei esquecer algumas pessoas, mas descobri que essas são as mais difíceis de esquecer. Já subi escondido no telhado pra tentar pegar estrelas, já subi em árvore pra roubar fruta, já caí da escada de bunda. Já fiz juras eternas, já escrevi no muro da escola, já chorei sentado no chão do banheiro, já fugi de casa pra sempre, e voltei no outro instante. Já corri pra não deixar alguém chorando, já fiquei sozinho no meio de mil pessoas sentindo falta de uma só.

Já vi pôr-do-sol cor-de-rosa e alaranjado, já me joguei na piscina sem vontade de voltar, já bebi uísque até sentir dormentes os meus lábios, já olhei a cidade de cima e mesmo assim não encontrei meu lugar. Já senti medo do escuro, já tremi de nervoso, já quase morri de amor, mas renasci novamente pra ver o sorriso de alguém especial. Já acordei no meio da noite e fiquei com medo de levantar. Já apostei em correr descalço na rua, já gritei de felicidade, já roubei rosas num enorme jardim. Já me apaixonei e achei que era para sempre, mas sempre era um 'para sempre' pela metade. Já deitei na grama de madrugada e vi a Lua virar Sol, já chorei por ver amigos partindo, mas descobri que logo chegam novos, e a vida é mesmo um ir e vir sem razão. Foram tantas coisas feitas, momentos fotografados pelas lentes da emoção, guardados num baú, chamado coração.
E agora um formulário me interroga, me encosta na parede e grita: 'Qual sua experiência?'.
Essa pergunta ecoa no meu cérebro: experiência. Será que ser 'plantador de sorrisos' é uma boa experiência? Não! Talvez eles não saibam ainda colher sonhos!
Agora gostaria de indagar uma pequena coisa para quem formulou esta pergunta: 'Experiência'? Quem a tem, se a todo momento tudo se renova?'

Struggles

"Sometimes, struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If we were to go through our life without any obstacles, we would be crippled. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. Give every opportunity a chance, leave no room for regrets."