Left to tell.

“But I came to learn that God never shows us something we aren't ready to understand. Instead, He lets us see what we need to see, when we need to see it. He'll wait until our eyes and hearts are open to Him, and then when we're ready, He will plant our feet on the path that's best for us... but it's up to us to do the walking.” (~Left To Tell)

-

Oh the different paths life takes you... always surprising you when you think you've got it all planned. "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil." (Proverbs 3:5-7)

O tempo.

"E que o tempo leve de mim somente aquilo que me faz mal..."

É tudo que eu quero agora.

...

E você aprende a recomeçar agradecendo por vitórias tão pequenininhas…
Como quando é noite e antes de dormir você se enche de gratidão:
'Deus, obrigada, porque é noite e eu tenho o sono...
Que venha um sonho novo, então’.

Fuck you. Fuck you very, very much.

Fuck you. Seriously. I really do mean this. You're an asshole, an egotist who only thinks about your own ego and your stupid life. You don't care about anyone else around you. You're only interested in what's good for you. You have serious commitment issues and I now understand how none of your relationship ended in good terms. You're so cocky and selfish that you still think I want to get back together with you. You are so stupid and full yourself that it makes me laugh. I feel sorry for you.
You call yourself a christian and a good man but deep down, you're no more than a regular guy. You're like those guys who will hurt girls and won't give a shit about them. You got what you wanted and you ran away. Why was I so silly and blind to believe in all your lies? You put together this well-crafted mask that covered who you truly are but it has now dropped and I will never see you the way I used to.
All the time we spent together was the biggest lie of my life. You are such a good liar that even afterwards I believed that you were doing everything right. But now I see everything. You dressed yourself up as a sheep but deep down you're just the wolf in sheep's clothing. You're no less than an asshole, a douchebag, a son-of-a-bitch mother fucker. I truly regret all the tears that were shed for you.
I can't believe I once believed you were different than all of the other guys. All the stupid lies you told me seem so clear now. I can't believe how stupid I was to actually believe in you.
You live in your own little world thinking one day a goddess will come to you and you will be happily ever after. Guess what? I hope you die alone. You wasted and damaged forever the lives of probably many girls and you wasted the opportunity of being truly happy. I pray to God that He will make you learn the hardest way. I pray to God that a girl will do something as bad as all of you've done to other girls combined. That's the least you deserve.
I'm so silly to be trying to have a friendship with you. What the hell was I thinking? I want nothing but distance from a guy like you. You truly disgust me.
Do you feel like a man to be doing all you're doing? Because you're about one of the most immature guys I have ever seen. You're less than a man.

All I really wanna say is FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE. And thank you very much for making me come to this realization today.

Escuto a mesma coisa todos os dias.

Você algum dia já se encontrou tão perdida, no fundo do poço, triste, sem achar nenhum saída ou esperança em meio a tanto caos? Você, de fato, sabia exatamente o que estava errado, sabia tudo que aconteceu e também sabia que nada poderia ser feito, além de se conformar e seguir em frente? Pois bem. Então o que está lhe segurando de se libertar se sentir uma nova pessoa de novo? O que faz você se agarrar a esses cicatrizes com todas as suas forças? O que te faz ainda ficar remoendo e analizando coisas que não importam mais? Que bem nos faz ficar olhando para o passado e se lamentando dos sonhos não-realizados? Porque nós ainda chorando pelo leite derramado? Isso é uma pergunta ao qual eu ainda não consegui responder.

"Uma hora ou outra o destino se ajeita, as coisas se acertam, o passado é esquecido, as dores cicatrizam. Quem tem que ficar fica, o que é verdadeiro permanece, e o que não é se some!"

Eu escuto a mesma coisa todos os dias que o tempo cura tudo e que um dia isso tudo parecerá insignificante. O tempo passa e nada muda. Meu coração anseia, grita por paz de espírito.

É fácil falar, tudo parece bonito em frases enfeitadas e cheia de palavras bonitas, mas realmente o que nos faz seguir em frente e esquecer de tudo aquilo que te magoa?

Estou numa batalha sangrenta para achar essa resposta.

God.

"You don't know God is all you need until God is all you got"

"If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it"

"I have learned that faith means trusting in advance what will only make sense in reverse"

"God's promises are like the stars, the darker the night, the brighter they shine"

"When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I"

"If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me" (Jeremiah 29:13)

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord" (Psalm 27:14)

"For I know I have plans for you, declares the Lord. Plans tor prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11)

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (Ephesians 6:10-12)

"A vontade de Deus quando é diferente da nossa vontade, requer entregas doloridas. Não entendemos hoje, mas o amanhã traz as respostas exatas. Por mais dolorida que seja a entrega, confiar em Deus é o melhor caminho. Porque só Ele sabe o dia do amanhã"

"Mas eu confio em Ti, Senhor, e digo: Tu és o meu Deus." (Salmos 31:14)


<3 Favorite Quotes & Verses.

Why?

I know that we say God has a plan for each one of us but seriously, God? I ask you one thing in the entire world and you deny it? I have been asking you for this for months. I have been paying for my mistakes for months. I am tired of this. I just want peace in my heart. I am trying to find you in the middle of this mess but it seems like you're hidden. PLease, appear to me. Show me your power. I am speaking to you and I hear nothing. My screams seem to be mute. I've been dedicaing my life only to you and I haven't gotten anything back from you. Where are you, God? I am in this constant quest for you and you seem like you don't care, like you want me to suffer. I already had my share of pain. I am TIRED of being alone and feeling hopeless. Please. You know what I want, you know the desires of my heart. Is it so bad to give me a second chance? I'm asking you to show me something during this week. If you really are the almighty one, please, give me what I've been asking you these past months. I know I can do better this time. Just give me one last opportunity to show you.
Please. I'm begging you.

A letter to you.

Dear CGC,

I fell hard for you, like I have never before in my entire life. But I guess life takes us to different places in life and sometimes things don't quite end up the way we thought it would. The past few months have been such a huge learning experience for me. I have never been so challenged - academically, espiritually and emotionally. Having you with me made me feel like I had a family - your family. Then, when we broke up, I had literally no one. It was like the world had fallen apart in front of my eyes. Having no one here brough me closer than I have ever been to God. The only certain and steady thing in my life was and is Him. I believe that God puts people in our lives for a purpose and what I got from our time together is that I should never put someone before God. I learned with the mistakes I made that God wants me to put him as my only one priority. I still don't understand how and why things happened the way it did but I believe in God's plan for my life and that whatever his plans are, I know one day I will understand everything.

Things happened so quickly and sudden that I was caught totally off guard and I had no idea what to do. These months transformed me in profound ways. I still don't know how things will end up for me but I do know I don't want anything to stand between us. All the memories of the 8 months we spent together will be kept with me. No hard feelings. I'm at a point in my life that I'm about to make really difficult choices in my life and whatever happens I want you to know that after all, I'm your friend and I really do wish that we would have a good, honest friendship. I wish one day you can talk more about this and maybe we can even laugh about all of this mess.

I'm going back to Brazil and I don't know if I'll ever see you again. This idea is so strange to me but I guess that's how life goes.

I want to thank you for every single day during the 8 months we spent together. You were a gentleman and the best boyfriend a girl can have. Please, don't lose that.

I wish you all the best in your future and I hope you acomplish all your goals.

I have no idea if I'm ever going to give this to you. But I know it will be here and one day I'll give it to you.

Sincerely,

Cecilia.

PS.: I read this somewhere when we were still together and kept with me.
"If there is ever a tomorrow that we are not together, there is one thing you should always remember. You are braver than you believe. Stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart I will always be with you in the heart" (12/29/11)

Ups and downs. But mainly downs.

As pessoas dizem que o tempo cura tudo. Eu queria tanto que isso se aplicasse a esta situação ao qual estou passando. Mas, muito pelo contrário. Parece que tudo piora com o tempo, meu coração se quebra em pedaços mais pequenos ainda e meu futuro se torna cada vez mais turvo. Uma vez ou outra, eu tenho aquele momento de esperança e de uma falsa felicidade que me encobre por um tempo momentâneo. Eu só queria saber quando isso tudo vai acabar. Eu quero me sentir livre e poder acordar e não sentir uma dor no peito, um vazio na alma e um soco no coração. Eu estou cavando o meu poço cada vez mais fundo.


" Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope." (~He's not that into you)