Love is...?

You know what? LOVE SUCKS. In the almost twenty years of my life, I have seen and lived way too many heartbreaks. Since I was 10, love has been a part of my life. Looking back and comparing all my "happy-sweet-love moments with my sad-depressing-crying-all-day moments... the second one is a lot more frequent than the first one. Isn't it suppose to be the opposite? Why do we have such a high standard for love? What is it that we can't just live a happy life without needing somebody else? Why are we always in a constant quest for the one? Well, one the answers that comes in my mind right now is: we like to share happiness with those we love. Well, that's a valid argument, but maybe that it's not the exact reason. Because if it was for that, friends would be enough. Why the hell do we need someone? And why is it so hard to have that? I don't know, that's why love sucks and is not worth your time. Unless you are some sort of Casanova or Eros, the Greek god of Love and Passion, your love is only important as long as someone believes it is. To keep someone in need of your love, it takes a lifetime of adoration and spontaneity, or else they will look to someone else for the same love and adoration. In the end, love can only hurt you.

Love hurts. When you fall in love, there are many times when your feelings are not returned, resulting in a painful void in your heart. The pain will seem unbearable, and was not worth the heady feeling you got before your love was not returned. After realizing the truth behind the disadvantages of love, and after experiencing the heartbreak for yourself, will you only realize how meaningless and futile your love is. Your love will only cut you open in the end. I have not yet found someone to be worth having so much pain. I can take the pain, unless that person is with me. But, no... we all know, sooner or later, people will leave your life - and they do it so easily.

The expression most commonly used with love is “falling in love.” There is no better word to describe it. It is indeed “falling” in love, and that’s what sucks about it. Love is a trap. You are tricked into it like an addictive gambling game, and then you are tripped, and you fall, and you keep falling in a seemingly endless spiral. And, like everything that falls, you eventually hit a bottom, and it will be hard and painful. Falling in love only gives you an incurable ache when you reach the end.

You know, maybe love is just a fictitious thing that Hollywood we all try to have, but we never do - kinda like utopia. Love is utopical. We see it in the movies and since we are young we make every effort to live that dream through meaningless things like movies, barbies, and the wrong people. It seems like we are never have what we think other people have, or what we see in the movies. Truth is, love is never so perfect as it seems to be.

Love is unfair.  Love will ony result in your downfall. Love often strikes many people at once, and for the same thing or person. “All is fair in love and war.” Competition is what war is about, and love is just the same. You will compete with others to show your affection, and prove your love is most worthy. But, so will everyone else. When competition reaches your friends and family, and you focus only on the art of competition for love, you begin to lose the things you held dear before love struck you. Chances are, you will lose the competition to someone else, and you will be left with nothing, having sacrificed everything to try and win.

Love is never as beautiful as it appears on the outside. The apparent, imaginary perfection of love is easily uncovered by the reality of the daily life due to imperfect people. Love is imperfect. Our endless, romantic dreams will never be fulfilled. 

The older I get, the more I realize love is a choice. No, I won't meet that perfect guy who has everything I ever dreamed of and who has been waiting for me all his life. No, I won't find a guy that will make me happy forever. No, I won't find a guy who will never piss me off or make me cry. No, I won't find a guy who will give me flowers every week or who will remember my birthday, our anniversary, my new haircut, my new lipstick, my dog's birthday, or that today I am wearing a new shirt. We all have to fight and make relationships work out. We have to oversee people's flaws - because we have just as many.

Love is not easy. It takes time and a lot of patience to strive. “What’s with everyone going on about the ‘hard work’ of marriage?” I used to think. “If it’s so hard it musn’t be true love. True love has a meant-to-be-ness about it that’s gotta make everything easier. Like, if it’s THAT hard, then it just ain’t right. Right?” Uh huh. My relationship with my own self is complicated, how could I expect it to be simple with another? I believe that if you care about someone, it will take every ounce of your body to not forever damage a bond you have with somoene.

So if you’re out there thinking that the smoochy hot couple has got it easy, ha! Think again. If you’re down to a teaspoon of hope, envying the love stories on the other side of the fence, remember that while they were smiling for the cameras, Joanne Woodward was putting up with Paul Newman’s boozing in the early years. Fridah Kahlo’s beloved Diego chased skirts all through Mexico and New York. Cleopatra waited a long time for her man.

Love and doubt aren’t exclusive. In fact, they can be the most fantastic dance partners. Give and take. Trust and turn.

~From me, Cecilia, who is just tired of trying.